Monday, February 11, 2013

3 Simple Ways to Avoid Being an Asshole in Relationships

Humans are dicks.

I know that people, in many situations, are driven by selfish agenda. I believe this to be innate, for if it wasn't for certain selfish acts, how could we survive? But I maintain that relationships are the perfect opportunities to think of someone other than yourself- and be rewarded for it (which, selfishly speaking, is the best part). But, in the interest of bettering ourselves- here's a few good reasons not to be a selfish prick when dealing with others on a romantic level.

1. Your time on earth is not more valuable than anyone else's. I know, I know- it's hard to imagine that someone other than yourself has goals they'd like to accomplish before they die. But it's true. And isn't that one of the points of being in a relationship? Finding someone with common interests, shared goals, a desire for growth and forward movement, or at the very least the ability to be supportive of your endeavors, no matter if they differ from their own? Right?.........Well some of you (yes this includes women) still just wanna hump an extraordinarily large number of people with your allotted time on earth, and keep your business affairs separate. And I ain't mad at ya. However, problems arise when you can't be upfront about those intentions with the people you're involving yourself with and you end up saying things you don't mean, essentially wasting what precious time they have, by trying to have your cake and eat it too. Look- you're (I'm assuming) a grown person, right? Take some responsibility for what you want and don't be too cowardly to let other grown people know what that is. Why? Because just as you have the right to be a raging slut-monster, they have every right not to date one.

2. Stop asking for relationship advice from bachelors, sluts, and other nosy single people. 

Significant other getting you down? Do you need to get some things off your chest about them and maybe some friendly advice? Who do you turn to? If you just said Facebook, slap yourself.

Here's why. Depending on their attachment to you, people in your life will gladly hash out relentlessly unsolicited advice on a relationship they know nothing about. All you have to do is give them an opportunity. And you can get indignant all you want and say that it's your page so you can post what you want and you don't "care" what other people think. But you and I both know that when the laptops get put on sleep mode for the night, you'll most likely find yourself in a conversation (or awkward silence) that won't end well. No one likes to be put on blast in public, especially not on an online forum where everyone and their brother (including but not limited to your friends, mama, exes, and coworkers) can throw in their two cents and immature comments from the safety and anonymity of their swivel chairs.

Seems Legit.

So if you really need a listening ear and a good piece of advice, here's what I propose. Do your due diligence and seek out couples who have been married twenty plus years. Bonus points if this couple doesn't personally know you or your partner. Any sort of unbiased view from a couple of people who have been working together for years on end towards a common goal would be worlds better than whatever could come from a group of  people whose favorite conversation topics include anything having to do with week-long clubbing, Chris Brown, or why they hate their significant others. These people might be your friends, but if they generally don't have their own relationship shit together, why give them the chance to revel in your (fleeting though it may be) relationship misery?

Or, here's a crazy idea: if your partner is the one you have a problem with, then why not...oh, I don't to your partner about it?

Which brings me to my next point....

3. They're called your "partner" for a reason. You're supposed to be on the same team!

Know any couples like this?

So, everyone knows at least one pair of people who hate each other (or complain like they do), yet inexplicably call themselves a couple. Friends and acquaintances usually laugh it off and call them crazy but secretly love the entertainment value in their dramatic, never-ending dysfunction. But to laugh at other's misery (however self-imposed it may be) is a lot different than living it. Also, it helps to remember that while nodding along with why Bob thinks his wife is a bitch, chances are you would never date Bob, even if you were in the position to, so go a little easy on his old lady. A good rule of thumb- there are three sides to every story: your side, my side, and the truth. This rule applies to literally every situation in which relationships are involved, because "love" makes people bat-shit crazy, and there's no amount of speculation from an outside source that could ever speak to what really happens behind close doors. So try not to be too judgmental.

Furthermore, to save yourself the headache of finding this out after you've settled down, remember that relationships are investments. You invest your time, energy, emotion, and money. Making your partner your best friend is the best way to ensure your investment pays off. Alienating your partner and openly resenting them to others is the best way to guarantee you waste every one's time, including your own (and selfishly speaking, that's the worst part).

Picard  promotes effective communication.

The point being....

A relationship isn't a competition between two opposing forces who aim to manipulate one another into a sniveling pile of submissive drool. It is a conscious decision on the part of two individuals to share themselves with one another in hopes of mutual trust, loyalty, faith, understanding, and growth. If you want  to act single, then stay single. Why invest so much into a relationship if you're not going to participate in it? If you feel that you're not getting what you need from your partner, discuss it with them! Closed mouths don't get fed just like closed legs don't get spread- don't let the chip on your shoulder keep you from communicating with your significant other.

And if nothing else: don't expect from others what you're not willing to give. Believe in karma, and don't be an asshole.


  1. Replies
    1. lol not that I'm aware of- but that's not for me to decide. ;)